My name is Raheem (Not my real name) and I’m a graduating Senior who attends an HBCU in Mississippi and I’ve put myself in a relationship quagmire. I’ve been dating Jamila (Not her real name) for two years now and I’m deeply in love with her. She’s beautiful, intelligent, outgoing, community oriented, caring, basically everything I could want in a woman. She’s perfect for me. Jamila is in a particular sorority (I won’t say which one) and I know several of her sorority sisters. One of her sisters in particular that I’ve become very fixated with over the past two years is Camille (Not her real name). She possesses all of the characteristics that Jamila has and then some. Now I’m not about to say I’ve become weary of Jamila and I want to start a relationship with Camille but I am going to say I’m in love with both women. Camille and I see a lot of each other because we’re in the same major and we’ve grown very close. She and Jamila aren’t best friends but they are friends nonetheless. Camille and I have not ‘adulted’ (if you know what I mean) but we have kissed. I know she wants to be with me but she always tells me I have to break up with Jamila for that to happen and that is something I definitely won’t do. I mean I really do care about both of these women and would love to marry them both if it were legal. I don’t want to lose either one of them. O am I being selfish for wanting something that I can’t have? Should I choose between the two or continue doing what I’m doing? HELP!
Polygamy Should Be Legal
Dear Polygamy Should Be Legal:
With love comes maturity. Maturity is recognizing that there will be people who look better than your partner and their initial personality might seem as if it’s better than your partner, but the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Secondly, you have to take into account the obvious. You said that you won’t break up with Jamila to be with Camille, so don’t entertain things that can only hurt your relationship in the end. Lastly, recognize the characteristic of Camille that doesn’t speak very highly of her character. You noted all of these characteristics about her, but if she can’t be loyal to her sister how can she be loyal to you? If she is talking to her sister’s boyfriend behind her back, what does that say about her?
Don’t think with your eyes or temporary feelings, use your intellect and do what makes sense all the way across the board.