Dear O: The Advice Column (November 15, 2020)


Dear O:

I had a best friend (I’ll call her Brianna) who was my confidant. I literally told her everything. About six months ago I confided in her that I had an affair with a mutual friend of ours. I think I need to mention that I have been engaged to a wonderful man (I’ll call him Jordan) for two years and we plan on getting married as soon as we finish our graduate studies. A few weeks ago Brianna and I had a huge falling out to the point where we fought one another. After the fight she told me that to enact revenge upon me that she would divulge to Jordan that I had cheated on him. I have been walking on eggshells around him since she told me that. I have a good man and I don’t want to lose him because of one indiscretion. What should I do in this predicament? Should I speak to Brianna and ask her not to tell Jordan or should I just be up front with him and tell him what I did? I need your help O. How should I approach this?

Trapped Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Trapped Between a Rock and a Hard Place:

First, I do want you to understand that there should not be one person in this world that you share absolutely everything with. It’s okay to have a person you confide in about some things, but don’t let them be a confidant for everything. I say that because people aren’t always loyal and true. You never know what people will say or do when they are upset, so keep the things that may tarnish your image the closest to you.

Secondly, people do make mistakes because we are only human. Though many may argue that if you love someone you will not cheat, which is false for a number of reasons. However, if your conscious is eating you up and you can’t be yourself around Jordan, I advise you to tell the truth to give peace to your mind. Most importantly, understand that he will respect the truth and be more willing to forgive you when he hears what happened from you rather than him hearing it from somebody else.

Lastly, forgive yourself. You can’t look for Jordan to forgive you until you forgive yourself. Stand up and take accountability for your actions. Whether Jordan stays or leaves, deal with the consequences of your actions as the strong woman I know that you are. As far as Brianna is concerned, know that these things are common and even though she wants to be revengeful, still be a good person.

Always love,