O Knows: The Advice Column (October 15, 2020)


Dear O:

My name is Tyriq and I have a dilemma that I’m hoping you can help me with. My mom is my heart and soul. I’m her only child and I’ve been around her my entire life. She had me as a teenager and we’re very close in age (I’m 20 and she’s 38). She’s my best friend and me saying that I love this woman is an understatement. About 10 months ago she met this guy named Reginald online and they have been spending an exorbitant amount of time together. They go out to dinner, the movies, church, family gatherings, etc. and are virtually inseparable. I’ve never seen my mom this blissfully happy before. Recently I walked in on them and they were talking about getting married and moving to Seattle. Here’s my problem. I’m ecstatic for my mom’s happiness, I really am, but every since she and Reginald became an item I’m feeling neglected and underappreciated. All of the things that she and ‘Reg’ are doing are the things that she and I used to do. Am I in my feelings? You bet I am because I feel as though ‘Reg’ is taking my mom away from me. She’s all I have O and honestly my happiness that I used to have for her and her newfound relationship is beginning to turn to jealousy and anger. Help me O. What should I do?

Mad as Heck

Dear Mad as Heck:

Though your mom has found happiness, which I’m sure she deserves, it doesn’t mean your spot has been taken. I’m almost positive she loves you with all of her heart and if she had to choose to save her own life or yours, she’ll choose yours without a doubt. However, you are 20-years-old and soon you will be out of college with your own house and family and your mom won’t always be there, so how will you stand on your own two feet? Will you fold up on life because you can’t see, talk to or be with you mom every day all day or will you stand alone and be the man your family needs you to be?

To add to that, it’s not always about you. What about your mom? When you grow older and are away with your family, she deserves her own leisure time. She deserves a life where she isn’t lonely and that isn’t centered around you. She deserves love and companionship outside of you. She deserves to grow old with someone who can’t get enough of her as ‘Reg’ has already shown. I challenge you to get out of your head and look at the bigger picture. Go beyond yourself and your wishes and understand that this is something your mom deserves and a part of life you must learn and grow from. I challenge you to exchange your feelings of jealousy and anger with feelings of happiness and love. Soon it will all make sense.

Always love,