Dear Parys:
I’m a 20-year-old Junior here at the illustrious Alcorn State University and I have somewhat of a problem. I don’t know what to do. I’ll just jump right into it. My friend Tia (not her real name) and I have been friends since Freshman year. She’s like a sister to me and I trust her with my life. Last Fall, August to be exact, I met a young man who I consider to be my soul mate. He’s intelligent, kind, God-fearing, ambitious, and a real renaissance man. We’ve been dating for a little of a year and I know he’s the man that I’m going to marry one day. But here’s my problem, Grant (not his real name) and Tia are a little too close for me. For instance, Grant and I go to a lot of events on campus and a lot of the time Tia is with us. She’s a very kindhearted person by nature but lately she’s been showing a lot of public displays of affection towards Grant such as hugging him exceptionally too long, giving him massages, staying up late nights playing video games with him, calling him her ‘Boo’ and she even kissed him on the cheek in front of the library one day. I don’t know how to feel about this. I know Tia wants the best for me and maybe she’s happy about my man because I’m happy about him but it’s getting uncomfortable to be around the both of them. Should I say something to them, or should I just be happy that my best friend and my man are getting along?
Signed,
Pulled In Too Many Directions
Dear Pulled In Too Many Directions:
First off girl, that’s extremely inappropriate whether it’s your best friend or not. It’s good to know they’re cool with each other, but kissing on the cheek, giving massages, and calling him “Boo” is not acceptable. A friend should respect your relationship, and those actions are crossing boundaries.
I believe you need to talk to both of them calmly. Let them know how their actions makes you feel. If they brush it off with the usual excuse of “we’re just close,” then you have to take it into your own hands because nowadays you really can’t put anything past anyone, best friend or not. That could even mean checking his phone to see if there are texts or calls between them that don’t sit right with you. This may not be the healthiest option but it can give you some peace of mind.
Another key factor in this situation is to protect yourself at all costs. Remember you and Grant have only been together for one year and most people say that you don’t truly know if you love someone until after a few years into the relationship. So, don’t put all of your eggs into one basket, especially at Alcorn. It’s okay to love him and see a future but keep your eyes open and your heart guarded until time proves his intentions. At the end of the day, if Tia truly values you as a sister and Grant truly loves you, they’ll respect your boundaries and correct their behavior. Protect your peace and your relationship first.