Dear Sista Girl:
First I’d like to give you a little background information on my situation. My name is Camille and I have a best friend named Kyla and she and I are closer than two peas in a pod. We’re basically inseparable and have been that way since we met in kindergarten (We’re 20-years-old now and Juniors at an HBCU). I consider her to be my sister from another mother. Her family is like my family and I love her mother and father like they’re my own parents. Here’s my dilemma. About a month ago I took at trip with my brother to a neighboring town (It’s like 40 minutes away) to visit the mall. While there I saw Kyla’s dad booed up with this woman that wasn’t his wife. They were showing an immense amount of PDA (Public Display of Affection). I’ve never seen Kyla’s dad so happy. My brother, who thought the entire thing was hilarious, wanted to film the incident and put it on social media but I stopped him because I knew how it would hurt Kyla. Sista Girl, I’ve been carrying this secret around for 30 days now and it hurts. I mean I always pictured Kyla’s dad as a stand-up guy who loved his family and would never do anything to harm them but boy was I wrong. I don’t know what to do in this situation. Should I tell Kyla her dad’s a cheater and destroy her respect for him or should I just keep my mouth closed and let things play out? I think the reason I haven’t said anything is because I’m hoping for the latter and that everything that I witnessed was just a huge misunderstanding. Help me Sista Girl. What should I do?
Signed
Should I or Shouldn’t I
Dear Should I or Shouldn’t I:
This sounds like a really tough situation and I can understand why you feel stuck. If I were in your shoes, I’d be torn too. Kyla is like your sister, so I get that you want to protect her but I also feel like this is one of those situations where it’s not just about loyalty to your friend, it’s about how her whole family dynamic could change if she finds out.
If I were you, I’d hold off on telling Kyla directly, at least for now. I’d probably talk to an adult I trust, maybe even a school counselor or a family member, to get their advice on how to handle this. Sometimes they can give insight that we don’t think of right away. Also, keep in mind that what you saw might not be the whole story. There could be things happening in Kyla’s parent’s relationship that no one knows about.
I’m not saying to ignore what you saw, but you’ve already shown a lot of maturity by not letting your brother post the video. Kyla might not be ready to handle this news, and if you tell her before you’re sure of all the facts, it could make things even worse.
In the end, it’s a tough call, but my advice would be to make sure you have all of the facts and seek guidance before making any big decisions.
Peace & Love,
Sista Girl