I am a Junior at a Historically Black College in the South. I came across your column and liked it so I’ll get right to the point. I have a roommate ( I’ll call her Dori) whom I adore. She’s one of my new best friends here on campus and I can see the two of us being friends long after we graduate. Unfortunately, she has a friend (I’ll call her Loquesha) from her hometown who is a complete nuisance. Dori brings her to the dorm to stay for the weekends and it’s as though she has no home training. She’s loud, rude, country, an alcoholic, drug user and very promiscuous. Although I love her to death, Dori is insistent that Loquesha and I become close friends, which I am not a fan of. I’m not a violent person but I literally had thoughts of fighting her last weekend. Yana she is interfering with my peace. How do I confront Dori and tell her I don’t care for her friend and that I don’t like her in our dorm room all of the time? Dori is very emotional and I don’t want her to take this the wrong way and stop being my friend. Help me Yana!
About to Spaz Out
Dear About to Spaz Out,
It is important that you talk to Dori about this situation. If she is your friend you should be able to talk to her about anything even when it can make both of you uncomfortable. As a friend, she should come to a common ground to make you feel comfortable in your dorm room. You should not feel uncomfortable in your room nor should you have to deal with someone who is not bringing you peace. She, as a friend, should understand you don’t have to become close friends with Loquesha. You won’t always be cool with your friend’s people. Dori, as your friend, should understand where you are coming from and talk to Loquesha about what she needs to fix to continue coming to you all’s room.
Although you don’t like Loquesha’s ways, you should not try to have a conversation with her. Sit down and talk to her about her actions and how she can change them. She probably doesn’t see a problem with what she is doing since you are not saying anything about it. You might not ever know what a person is going through on the inside. So just have an adult talk with both peers and continue to strive for peace. Who knows, you might help shed light on a problem she is having that she hasn’t realized as of yet.
Lastly, if Dori does not talk to Loquesha and nothing changes in her behavior you may need to talk to a Resident Assistant (RA) about what is going on in your room. I know it may seem as if you are snitching but you tried everything you could to make the situation get better. Talk to the RA about how you took steps to avoid a problem and you didn’t get anywhere with Dori or Loquesha. Most likely Dori will be in trouble for having Loquesha in the room. Make sure this is your last resort and that you will be okay with not being friends with Dori anymore. She might feel some kind of way for talking to the RA and might not want to be your friend anymore.