Dear Parys:
My name is Gabrielle (Not my real name) and I desperately need your advice on something. So here it is. I’m a Graduating Senior here at Alcorn and I’ll be graduating Cum Laude this December. I’m initially from McComb, Mississippi (This is crucial to the story) and I have three amazing job offers. One is in Jackson, Mississippi, one is in New Orleans, Louisiana and the last one is in Denver, Colorado. I am an Ag major. Personally, I’d love to take the job in Denver with no hesitation but here’s my dilemma. My mother. She wants me to take the job in Jackson so that I can be closer to her or more so she can be closer to me. She’s already made up in her mind that I’m taking the job in Jackson and she’s even looking around for apartments for me. My mom is a very controlling individual who uses fear and aggression to get what she wants. She’s been like this since I was a little girl. She’s extremely manipulative and conning and will use whatever tactic that she needs to to get her way. She’s a single mom and it’s just been the two of us for as long as I can remember.
I think she thinks that if I leave, she’ll be all alone, but I have to live my own life and to be honest with you I’m only taking the job in Denver to get away from her. I mean she was the one who chose Ag as my major because what I initially wanted to major in she said I’d never find a job in it. I just need a break from her negative energy, but I don’t know how to tell her that I’m taking the job in Denver to primarily distant myself from her. I know how she is that if I tell her now she’ll guilt me into staying close to home. Parys PLEASE HELP ME! How do I tell my mom I need a break from her respectfully and that I’m not a little girl any more and can make my own decisions. Thanks in advance.
I’m A Big Girl Now
Dear I’m A Big Girl Now:
You have to remember that this is your life, not your mom’s. She’s going to use her conning ways and try and manipulate you into a decision that may not benefit you but you’re an adult now and you have to speak up for yourself. You’ve worked hard to graduate, and you’ve earned every single one of those job offers. You deserve to make the decision that makes you happy and fulfilled. If the job in Denver is where your heart is pulling you, then go for it. Don’t hold yourself back out of fear of disappointing her, because at the end of the day, your future is not hers to control.
When you tell her, be respectful, but also firm. Stand on your decision and don’t let her guilt trip you or pressure you into staying just because she doesn’t want to be alone. That’s not a fair reason to keep you from chasing your dreams. A good parent’s job is to raise their child to one day be able to take care of themselves, make their own choices, and build a life they love without too many struggles and mistakes. You’ve reached that point, you’ve proven yourself, and now it’s time to step fully into your own path.
It’s time for you to live for yourself, girl. You’ve done everything you were supposed to do and now you owe it to yourself to choose the life and opportunities that will make you grow. Don’t shrink yourself to fit anyone else’s comfort zone, not even your mom’s.
