Dear Sista Girl:
My name is Raheem (Not my real name) and I’m a graduating Senior who attends an HBCU in Mississippi and I’ve put myself in a relationship quagmire. I’ve been dating Jamila (Not her real name) for two years now and I’m deeply in love with her. She’s beautiful, intelligent, outgoing, community oriented, caring, basically everything I could want in a woman. She’s perfect for me. Jamila is in a particular sorority (I won’t say which one) and I know several of her sorority sisters. One of her sisters in particular that I’ve become very fixated with over the past two years is Camille (Not her real name). She possesses all of the characteristics that Jamila has and then some. Now I’m not about to say I’ve become weary of Jamila and I want to start a relationship with Camille but I am going to say I’m in love with both women. Camille and I see a lot of each other because we’re in the same major and we’ve grown very close. She and Jamila aren’t best friends but they are friends nonetheless. Camille and I have not ‘adulted’ (if you know what I mean) but we have kissed. I know she wants to be with me but she always tells me I have to break up with Jamila for that to happen and that is something I definitely won’t do. I mean I really do care about both of these women and would love to marry them both if it were legal. I don’t want to lose either one of them. Sista Girl am I being selfish for wanting something that I can’t have? Should I choose between the two or continue doing what I’m doing? HELP!
Polygamy Should Be Legal
Dear Polygamy Should Be Legal:
It sounds like you’re caught in a complicated situation that’s weighing heavily on you, and it’s understandable that you’re struggling with what to do. Here’s the reality, though: by not choosing, you’re likely setting both yourself and these two women up for hurt down the road.
Let’s unpack the dynamics a bit. Your feelings for Jamila are strong, and she seems to have a positive, fulfilling impact on your life. Camille also brings out things in you that you enjoy, especially since you share a lot of experiences due to your major. But if you’re genuinely committed to Jamila, then honesty and respect should guide your choices. Relationships thrive on trust, and right now, you’re on shaky ground with both women by not being upfront.
Yes, it may feel like you’re being forced to choose between two good things, but that’s what integrity in relationships demands. Camille has already set her boundary by asking you to break up with Jamila if you want to be with her. That’s a clear sign she values honesty as well. You need to consider whether you’re holding onto Camille because it’s exciting and new or because you’re missing something in your relationship with Jamila.
So yes, it might be time to decide. Explore what it is that you’re truly seeking from both women. And if it’s love and a long term relationship, remember that it requires full commitment to one person at a time. You owe both Jamila and Camille the clarity and respect they deserve.
Best of luck,
Sista Girl
