Dear Sista Girl:
My name is Haywood (Not my real name) and I’m a Junior here on Alcorn’s campus. I’m writing about a dilemma that I was faced with recently. Let me give you some background first. I have been dating Vondy (Not her real name) for two years here on campus. She is a Junior as well. We are inseparable and do everything thing together from attending events on campus to going to local high school football games. I would go through heck and back for this woman. Until recently I thought that she’d do the same for me. Currently, my car is in the shop and needs $800 worth of repairs done to it. I have $500 of it and asked Vondy to help me get the rest. She ‘loaned’ me the money saying that I’d have to pay her back within 3 weeks. Now Sista Girl I must admit that made me extremely angry. I mean all of the things I’ve done for this woman out of the kindness of my heart and she has the audacity to ask me to pay this back within 3 weeks. Is she kidding me? I thought love was supposed to be about helping one another in times of need not asking for a payback. This entire situation has me feeling some type of way to the point where I want to break up with her. What should I do Sista Girl? Should I break up with her or ride the wave of this tumultuous relationship until the wheels fall off?
I Know She Didn’t
Dear I Know She Didn’t:
I hear your frustration and it’s clear you care deeply about Vondy, but let’s take a step back and think through this. Relationships are complicated, and money can make things even trickier. You’ve done a lot for her, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s wrong for asking you to pay back the money. Here’s why: First, lending money in a relationship can create expectations and pressure. She might feel uncomfortable giving you the money as a gift, perhaps because she’s managing her own financial responsibilities. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you; it could just mean that she sees money and relationships differently. Everyone has their own boundaries, especially when it comes to finances and that’s okay. Second, consider that love and financial support don’t always go hand in hand. Sometimes the best way to show love and respect is by maintaining clear expectations when it comes to money. This could be Vondy’s way of protecting both herself and the relationship from misunderstandings down the line. Before making any big decisions such as breaking up, I’d suggest having a CALM conversation with Vondy. Let her know how you’re feeling without blaming and counting favors. You may find that her perspective is more reasonable than it initially seemed. Relationships aren’t about keeping score, they’re about mutual respect, communication, and compromise. Ask yourself, “Is this issue with the loan a sign of deeper problems, or is it something that can be worked out with a conversation?” If the relationship is otherwise strong, don’t let this one situation break you two apart. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a decision based on what’s best for your future, not just your current frustration.
Sista Girl