Dear O:
I am very impressed by your column and I desperately need some advice. I had been married to what I thought was a wonderful man for 17 years. He was my support system, counselor, lover and best friend. In August of this year he was killed by a drunk diver on his way home from work. I found out later that in his will he left his business (he was an entrepreneur) to me which is worth more than $5 million. I was extremely thankful for the money but my biggest surprise came soon after. During the funeral this woman approaches me with twin boys and asks that we speak privately. I obliged her and we had a very enlightening conversation. She told me that the twin boys were my husband’s children (they look exactly like him) and that she and my husband were an item for the past 10 years. Needless to say I was flabbergasted. She went on to say that my husband had been taking care of her and the children and she needed my help financially being that he left her and the children out of the will. O what should I do? I mean yes, my husband was living a double life by having two families but for some reason I still love him. Should I financially help the mistress and her children out or should I just be cold and tell her to fend for herself? I just don’t know what to do?
So Hurt
Dear So Hurt,
I want to first apologize to you for your loss because I know this is an extremely trying time for you. Most importantly, I want you to understand that a lot comes with marriage. There will be times in your marriage where things will be great and times in your marriage where things seem as if they are unbearable and leave you at a standstill. To this I say remain vigilant and continue being you. When these times arrive remember who you are. Remember that you’re a woman, that your heart is golden, and that your character can’t be overturned by situations like these.
Also, keep in mind that looks can be deceiving. I am advising you to get some test done to ensure that the children are his. In the case that they are, don’t be a bitter, spiteful widow. Instead, I challenge you to be a loving widow who supports and helps anything attached to your husband, both good and bad, as you stated in your vows. Most importantly, do the mature thing and focus on the bigger picture and put your stepchildren’s best interest at heart. I challenge you to do something no one expects you to do and that’s be a good person and do the right thing despite the situation. A good heart and spirit never goes unnoticed.
Always love,
O
O