Life Changing Decision

I am not a last resort.
You will not choose to want me because finally I’m fed up and have given up.
You will not push me to my breaking point and apologize because I’m bent. 
You will not take my shine and say I wouldn’t have it without you.
You experience the heat because of me.
I could have done anything and been anywhere.
Claimed my success and ignorant to my struggle.
“Such a pretty babydoll” even when she danced.
She made so many mistakes a person of circumstance.
But with a prayer of forgiveness she took a chance.
The money was just a down payment on a life changing decision.
Life wasn’t horrid but it wasn’t grand and this woman had a mission.
In the years to come her past would be proof that through all things she’d risen.
Though her light was bright the critics became louder.
And what’s accomplishments and sun without storms and showers.
Living with secrets is never free, but that’s ok because neither was that degree.
I’ve been broken, bent, left, scrutinized and demeaned.
At this point in life I have to choose me.
Some things you take to the grave, but that girl on the pole is the reason I’m saved.
The reason I’m different, the reason I’m more.
Because parents get fed up and grandparents just can’t do it anymore.
So excuse me for choosing.
No disrespect. It’s not you it’s me.
I’ve done some things and I promised God and myself that I’d be a stronger me.
What’s weather with no rain, love with no pain.
Honey with no bee. At some point the caged bird has to be free.